I’ve started a new chapter. Over the last few months I have been on a journey, happening on the inside rather than on the outside. Maybe you have been part of my story for a while; or maybe these are the first of my words you’ve ever read.
Either way: Welcome to this chapter.
Let me tell you a little bit about this end-of-2018-version of my self:
They call me Gesa. I was born in Germany and have been travelling the globe ever since I was old enough to do so independently. I’m a daydreamer. I love trees. Green is my favourite colour. I’m German, but I think in English these days. And since this blog is a journal of raw thought, the only natural way for me to do this, is in English.
If I would have to put a label on the line of work I do, I would call myself a storyteller. I love words. Always have. I love language. I love stories. I love books and fresh coffee – nowadays black, no sugar. Green tea is another one of my favourites. This months comfort foods are papayas and dark chocolate with a sprinkle of sea salt. I’ve stopped eating meat about two years ago and have recently committed to a fully plant-based diet – a challenge in Africa, but I try to make it work. This fact is worth mentioning to me here, because the way I eat has had a huge impact on how I see the world. It is not just about what I put in my body, but about what kind of world I would like to live in. And that is one of compassion, love and kindness. So to those of you who have been on the plant-based journey for a while: I hope you are willing to give me some time – I’m still adjusting to this new adventure and I’m learning as I go. And to those of you who might think I’m crazy for the way I eat: Relax. The world won’t end with one less meat-eater walking about (…in fact, it might just be the opposite 😉 )
It might be of importance for this new chapter to let you know what my last chapter was all about:
I’m a tv-producer by trade and spent roughly ten years of my life in Berlin. Feeling trapped in the big city – I left in 2015 to embark on an entirely new journey: I trained as a safari guide in Southern Africa. It was my deep wish to get away from it all; to reconnect with Nature and to learn more about this cradle of humankind – I wanted to remember where I came from; to feel my instincts and listen to my intuition without distractions. A German book has been published about this new path of mine.
Today, I travel all over Africa with my boyfriend Frank and our Land Rover Ellie, the Defender. We have no intention to settle down for now. We are happy to live on the road. However, we love dogs more than anything – so at one point, we are going to base ourselves permanently somewhere to give our future dogs a home.
When I went to the African Wilderness to become a guide, I had only a vague idea as to how this step might change me. Of course I knew it was a game changer, but in no way could I have anticipated just how big of an effect the wild could have on a person. I have experienced and seen things in Nature that rational thought simply could not explain anymore, and have ever since been able to reconnect with an ancient magic world, which had been completely natural to me as a child growing up, but which I had forgotten as an adult. I’m so grateful to be back in my child-way-of being.
A book has a mind of its own.
Since its publishing date, my first book has developed a mind of its own. Books are like children that way: Once you release them into this world, they are not yours anymore. You have to let them be whatever they want to be. Some people will love them, others will hate them. And neither will have anything to do with you. My little book has since been trying very hard to define me, yet I would like to remain undefined. The book made of me a safari guide who happens to have written a book – however, in my mind it has always been the other way around: I’m a writer who happens to have a background in guiding now.
When I first started travelling, I set out with a very clear intention: To find stories I could write about. I had always been passionate about writing, but I was lacking the most important thing: I had nothing to say. I didn’t know what I believed in; what message I wanted to share through my writing; what type of stories I wanted to tell. On top of that, I was scared to death to even try calling myself a writer.
I guess you could call the journey a quest for my own voice.
The quest let to an unexpected turn in my life – one that can only be seen looking back now: I’ve been so occupied with the safari-life over the last years that I had completely forgotten the initial reason why I left home: TO WRITE. I’m by all means not complaining about this detour – I would not have found the love of my life otherwise – but it is strange how the inner voice cannot be fooled and keeps on pushing us back to the dots that will, in the end, connect an entire life line. Everything in my life has made it pretty clear over the last twelve months that I should not forget what I came into this world to do: Write. Instead of chatter and noise, what everything within me has been longing for is stillness.
And so, I now find myself in a very beautiful, yet scary place. I have carved myself a niche full of time to do only that: Write my stories. I have cut back on all other responsibilities, jobs and distractions. And now all that is left is rawness. I have ideas for magazine articles, books and novels – finally, stories seem to pop up in my head that want to be told.
I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. – J.K. Rowling
My biggest fear is that I know some people will hate what I create. Being rejected is a hurtful thing and it has stopped me dead in my tracks many a times before. I believe, rejection, hate and negativity are the main reasons why we hold back our desire to live our truth unapologetically and why so many of us never do what we would LOVE to do. I guess the biggest critic will always be myself.
But writing is on my mind all the time. So I can’t help it: I HAVE to do this to be the truest version of myself. And I’m bringing this blog back to life to hold myself accountable and to actually do it. It doesn’t matter how many people will read my words – the important thing is that I have put them out there.
What is heart-based-living?
It has taken me over ten years to find the confidence to say the words: I am a writer. And I feel like I finally know what I want to use this gift of life for that has been given to me. Being immersed to the Natural Wild World has made me find something worth telling:
We ARE Nature.
This, of course, should go without saying. But sadly, it does not. We are spending most of our lives more and more detached from the natural world and have lost touch with the Wilderness we all carry within ourselves. We have created mind-based existences, instead of heart-based lives.
Heart-based-living – to live from the heart is what I’m currently practicing in this new chapter. To listen to my inner voice; to connect with my body. To practice kindness and understanding, rather than hate and blame – towards myself and the people around me. To feel the energy provided by Mother Nature and let it guide me.
If you know me already, it might daunt on you now that this new chapter is by all means very far from where I started. So it might just not be for everybody. And that is okay. With this blog, it is my intention to create a beautiful new home for my thoughts. This is a place of absolute positivity (and such places are much needed everywhere right now). So if you don’t feel at home here – I ask you politely to please respect this space and direct your focus elsewhere. The last thing I want is to trigger any more negativity in anybody.
I write these words standing in front of a desk, looking out onto a lush green garden of happy trees. And I realise, I have now officially put myself into the scary place again. I have not been here for a while. But I believe it is as they say:
If your dreams don’t scare you – they are not big enough.
And so, I find comfort in the scary. Knowing, deep down, that the Unknown in where I need to be right now.
I invite you to come along on this new and unknown path. Maybe you will find some rocks on mine that you can use to follow your own. Put these rocks in your pocket, but leave behind those that you do not need. I’m not educating – I’m just sharing. Every path is different.
This is mine.
Lots of love from Africa,